james_tardif

I'm sorry for the liberal rant the other night. I know I promised a review of certain records, for those few who read this. The Bjork was okay, but didn't do anything for me. PJ Harvey's new album is so emotional it is worth your $15. I miss you all. I have dreams of my old friends, even before you wonderful college folk, and it can hurt at times. I do apologise for never living up to anyone's expectations. I should of, lord knows I would've wanted the same.
In a week, I will be a different man, because of the surgery. NO, not different, but I will see what you all see everyday. I'm kinda drunk, if that is not noticible. I wonder, do any of you see the edge? I do.

Found this on a forum and decided it needed a response.

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My life has just hit 120 mph in the right direction. Yesterday, I started my new job as a technical editor for technical publications of ARL (Army Research Lab). I went from $13 an hour to $25 an hour. I more than doubled my salary and I absolutely love the job. Also, I get to laugh at the scientists and their made-up jargon. And yes, they do like to make up their own words at times. Wishfully, for example.

Second, I finally scheduled an appointment for the laser eye surgery. My pre-treatment, where they measure my eye and all that medical stuff, is on Sept.13th. The surgery itself is on Sept.27th. In less than a month, I'm going to have regular, honest to god, normal vision or better. Assuming, of course, my eyes don't mutate, grow tentacles, eat the doctors, and go on a rampage attempting to contact their homeworld. Only, I think, a 10% chance of that from what the doctor told me.

Third, I've been seeing a lot of a certain girl. She's about my age, lives by herself, very artistic and happy, kinda cute, and believes her apartment is haunted. Her name is Asrai. I first met her while having a beer at Sean Bolans. Can you all meet her? No, because she only exists in note form and the first 20 pages of my novel. But I am working on it, and the characters are all fleshed out, especially Asrai (the name gives away a lot), the ghost finally came together, and I've begun typing. I believe my next feat is too carry a snowball to Lucifer, or something.

Finally, Bjork just released Medulla today. Well, her record company. Well, her record company gave the distributors the right to sell it today. But it's out and I plan to review it tomorrow. Today I'll just wallow in her voice (which is strangely most of the sound on the album...)

I love it when bad actors get defensive about their bad movies. Case in point: Anacondas: The hunt for the blood orchid.
http://www.scifi.com/scifiwire/art-main.html?2004-08/16/12.30.film

"Messner (Angel, Tarzan) added, "It's not about the fact that snakes are in Borneo or China or America. If you're still thinking about that, then you're not involved in the movie. That's my whole philosophy. If you're thinking, 'Hold on, there are no snakes in Borneo. …' I don't care what snakes are f--king in Borneo [or if] there are any snakes in Borneo. Who cares? The point is, it says 'Borneo' in the movie. After that, it's irrelevant."

I couln't have said it better.

Matt: Where are the monsters?
Me: Well, so far there's the script...

Clean Review: The acting was pleasant. The trees were kinda scary, sometimes. I was hoping at one point the monsters were wookies, but we all can't be given our dreams. I spent the entire movie waiting for something to happen. And something did happen, once in the middle and once or twice in the end. Basically, a Twilight Zone episode extended beyond the "boring as hell" border. Only M. Night can make his male characters so wimpy. Ivy, the blind woman in love with Lucious, is the only character worth screen time.

Spoilers.


Warning you again, spoilers.



Alright, you had your chance.




Dirty Review: Now for the rant....it's a monster movie with NO monsters!! None. Well, except the chiched, "the monster is actually us," crap of a theme. The big reveal? They're actually a bunch of nut-jobs who live on private farmland to avoid the real world. That's it. Best part of movie: when blind girl Ivy stumbles over the chainlink fence and asks the security guard for his name. "You have such kindness in your voice. What is your name?" "uh....Kevin?" I have never felt so cheated out of six dollars. The monsters? Don't exist, just made up to frighten the children so they don't venture into the woods and possibly get hit by a Mack truck. Except the retard takes it seriously and tries to be the monster. So stupid. But why don't they see airplanes overhead? Easy! The village mayor is a billionaire who bribed the government to classify it as restricted airspace, because the government is always willing to do THAT. Oh, and the "magic" medicine that saves Joaquin Phoenix's character from multiple 7 inch stab wounds throughout the torso? Penicillin and gauze. Yup. M. Night, I hate you right now.

Can Quantum Theory get any maniacally weirder? Yes it can!
http://www.kathryncramer.com/wblog/archives/000674.html
A scientist by the name of Shahriar Afshar conducted an experiment that was able to measure the interference pattern of the whole dual wave-particle aspect of light, basically showing Bohr's hypothesis that nothing exists until is observed to be obsolete. This would also mean Einstein was right. But to prove Einstein right, ol'Albert's Nobel prize (for proving the existence of the photon) may need to be revoked. If Afshar's results are correct, the photon is merely the figment of physics' imagination and does not exist, but is rather the misreading of something else.
All in this week's edition of New Scientist (which requires a subscription to its site, thus the lack of direct link to the article.) Time to start burning those silly, archaic textbooks. Publishers rejoice! Students cry.

A convention's last day, using the Otakon case study, is a surreal synopsis of an otaku orgasm, ie, the left-overs. The energy I had heard about was pretty much gone from those walking around, especially the poor parents who would rather have mowed their lawns than discuss the dramatic devices of hentai. However, the costumes (or cosplay in otaku lingo) ranged from nifty to astounding. There was an especially cute little young girl running around dressed like Alice (although it was probably a anime reference I didn't get)with a sign proclaiming herself a Hug-a-chi and posing for photos and passing around positivity. I usually loathe cute things, but this was charming. I must have lost my touch (where's my Olde English?) Tory's sister, Julia, was bought Hentai and Yuri? (boy on boy porn), which prompted an awkward (and amusing) moment with their mother back in Aberdeen.

In family news, my brother just got a tattoo, which means I have a brief period where I can tell my parents anything and it won't bother them (a rarity for us older siblings.) Must admit though, he got a good tattoo at a really good price. Custom job with two dragons, red and blue, spiraling around each other down his shoulder for only $200.

Oh, and I'm glad I'm not the only one with this reaction.
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/?t=archives&date=2004-06-18
I got a free ticket to see this litterbox specimen. Does anyone want it? I'll mail the damn thing; it sucks all originality out of my condo. It's dark and eeeeevil.

ARL (Army Research Lab) does some neat stuff, most of which I can't discuss without going to jail (for those who don't know, I'm a military contractor for BPC and worked sometimes on our ARL contract.) However, if Scientific America can write about it, it must be declassified. Here's an example:
http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?chanID=sa004&articleID=00004729-691E-10F4-A91E83414B7F0103

Where did the subject line come from, you ask? Funny that.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1892389541/qid=1091559191/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-2570306-5688925?v=glance&s=books
"The Thackery T. Lambshead Pocket Guide to Eccentric and Discredited Diseases" edited by "Dr" Jeff Vandermeer and "Dr" Mark Roberts. Basically, a catalogue of syndromes "discovered" by people such as Neil Gaiman, Alan Moore, Michael Moorcock, and others. I find the strangest books.

So I'm going to Otakon tomorrow. Just a one-day Sunday pass. Wish me luck. If you're a pretty lady, give me a mental hand hold for the wackiness that will insue. Pray.

http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/team_america/
Before watching the movie, you will wonder if it's right-left-chicken-wing propaganda. After watching the trailer, you will wonder if it's a parody. During it, you will hopefully laugh your silly little guts about.

Did anyone think Trey and Matt would keep anything sacred?

CNN has lost all its journalistic integrity. They just took this hick's word about a 12-ft hog.
http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/South/07/28/hogzilla.ap/index.html
"Hogzilla"? For one, there is no body, only a photo. Two, the man said he buried it because hog meat tastes foul. Third, because it was too big. That's right, he didn't want to mount it because it was too big. What sane redneck would not mount something because it was TOO F&%KING BIG! (That just sounds dirty.) It's obviously a fake, using perspective distortion, like they used to in those old 50's scifi movies, Land of the Giants and such. The hick's full of it.

Reason #132 why there is no god: Steven Seagal sings the Blues!
http://www.nonsoloblues.com/steven_uk.html
What disturbs me the most is that Mr. Hard to Kill references Jimi Hendrix as one of his "blues" influences. Maybe because of Jimi's electrofried rendition of "Corina, Corina" or something.

My weekend was very, very long. Drove to Salisbury. Saw many friends. Drank many beers. Hit on a puking girl, which is a new high for me apparently. Satan sucks my cock now, he's so impressed. My brother came back from Iraq the day I came back from Salisbury. Tori, Heather, Gabe, and I took him to ol' Sean Bolans. Drank many beers and whiskey (which is an old Gaelic term for "water of life.") Fun with Dr. Tardif. Anyway, Paul told everyone he smokes, which prompted an ambush at the Bayou restaurant by my step-mother, her first words to me being "Do you smoke too?" Well, I may hide the bodies, but I won't lie about where they're buried, unlike Lori Hacking's prick of a husband.
http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/West/07/23/missing.jogger/

Speaking of Salisbury, I read an interesting book called the Veil by Vernon Giffen.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0961067403/qid=1091113577/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/104-5886485-4637547?v=glance&s=books
Many cool ghost stories.